"Aubrey Plaza, Our Close Friend" is the fortieth episode of Hollywood Handbook.
Earwolf Synopsis Edit
Hayes and Sean invite their newest intern, Rob Reiner’s son Andy, to tell them the plot of Edge of Tomorrow so they can be ready for meetings before Engineer Sam derails the conversation with a disturbance. Then AUBREY PLAZA joins the show to help Sean tell a funny chip story and speak on foodie culture, the Latina Revolucion, scary witches, and even more than that!
Notes & Memorable Quotes Edit
Pre-Guest Segment Edit
- Sean over the theme: "So I turn to Danny.. Aiello, and he's, I say 'Gimme that marker.' And he says 'No I love the smell! I love the smell!' And he's sniffing all the markers! And I say 'You're gonna give yourself some kind of crazy headrush and pass out!' What do you think happen next?" "What?" "I took the markers back." "He's such a sensory creature, you know it's all about sense, and stimulation with him." "Oh! Because he's so tactile too, and later he on he was like, rubbing his cheek up against the whiteboard." "And he has synaesthesia" "He's like 'It's cold! It's cold.'"
- Hayes and Sean were both totally expecting and were prepared for the first two segments when the other sprung it on them
- Sean and Hayes like to have their tentacles out their in the world, an analogy for the men and weeman that work for them. The boys are the thorax with the eyes and beak. They've cut some tentacles off, and they regenerate. They're extremely replaceable.
- Andy Kneis makes his debut on the show as an intern! Sean: "Let me get a look at you, boy!" ... "Let me see your hands, boy.. ('Bottom or top?') Little dirt under your fingernails there. You know the mark of a gentleman is his hands." They then go on to explain that 'bottom or top' is best described as prone or supine ("Soup's on!" you can carry soup with it). "Prone like a drone" if you were making your hand like a plane, it would fly like this.
- Andy is Rob Reiner's son and Sean and Hayes would love to get a chance to talk to Rob.
- Sean and Hayes brought Andy on to have him give his report after watching Edge of Tomorrow. He didn't keep his receipt, so he will not be reimbursed. He could have fingered the popcorn girl and been slipped in the back door. Or he could tell them that the movie cost $9000! They want the report so they can have smart opinions about the movie when they meet with the people who made it.
- Andy starts by mentioning that Tom Cruise is in it-- they want him to cut right to it. "So aliens, speaking of tentacles, tentacled aliens have taken over the world, in this movie.." they admonish him for adding flourishes and doing his shtick. Andy says the movie is like Groundhog Day-- except, the aliens are killing people? That's not funny. Groundhog Day is one of the funniest movies ever! It's like a battle movie. Andy hasn't seen Battlestar.
- Andy also said that anyone that dies on the battlefield is bad at war. He laughs when he's nervous. What would the veteran's families think? Sean's wife's grandfather died in WWII, was he bad at war? He was saving a baby from a Kamikaze driving a threshing machine. He got threshed to pieces. Is he bad at war? Sean thinks he's a hero. The boys then start wondering he'll tell his dad that they weren't nice to him
- S&H take issue with them calling the actors Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt rather than the character names. Sean says how kids like to say her name because they love smokin' doobies. "Well, it's not cool to me, buddy. I've seen both sides to that story... wanna know more about that? You got a second? Doesn't end well. It starts out fun and games, right? Lookin' at blacklight posters and listenin' to Dark Side of the Moon well next thing you know, you're on skid row!"
- Andy continues on with the plot synopsis. Andy says there is "like a hint of romance." Was there one!? Or did he see a pretty girl and just lost his head, started thinking about what it would be like to kiss her, pretending he's Tom Cruise? They're worried that Andy, a tender virgin, isn't going to have the proper perspective to make them seem normal in the meeting.
- Before Andy reveals the ending, they decide th
- at maybe they'll cancel the meeting. Andy doesn't even know the director's name (but Sean knows that it's Doug Liman). Maybe Andy wanted them to do poorly in the meeting? You think that would affect them at all? Andy is being very patronizing.
- Sean again chides Andy for not speaking much with his father then going upstairs and sparking psychotropic drugs and watching Liquid Television with shows like Aeon Flux, before ending up on skid row like Alex Winter.
- They start to redo what Andy should say to his father, when Engineer Sam's
phone ringsit probably wasn't a phone ringing, they've gotten calls of their own. Sam admits it was clip from a movie. Sam mishears Sean, thinking he heard "Flying up a cliff" when it was obviously "flying off a cliff." Clean out your ears! Sam takes a note to edit this whole portion of the show out. What else has he been editing out!?
Guest Segment Edit
* Hayes over the theme: "So, I say to Carrie Ann Moss 'You know, you want to celebrate Valentine's Day? I have no problem with that, that's really fine with me. But what you're giving me aren't flowers, those are.. toothbrushes.' And she gets, you know, and now she's sad, she's like starts eating them to prove they're flowers! She goes to the hospital, she dies briefly. And so, now, small price to pray, I just hafta, when I see the toothbrushes, I just have to sniff them *inhalation noise* and say, 'Good flowers!' But for our 'thing,' that's something I'm willing to do."
- Aubrey greeted the listeners with "Good Morning," "Good Evening," "Good Afternoon," "Happy 420," and "Hump Day!" (for the sexual deviants)
- Sean brings up the story about chips that occurred at a recent party. She seems hesitant to tell it, but finally reveals that Sean came in and started talking about the chips! They were tortilla chips, and were pretty popular! Aubrey was being very humble about the story about the chips, they were very popular!
- Aubrey brought cronuts for Sean and Hayes to try, because she felt bad for being late! They're all the rage in New York. She brought a chocolate and a vanilla one, they're half donut, half croissant (in a perfect, not exaggerated French accent). Aubrey is a bit of a food adventurer, loves seeking out new foods although she's hesitant to admit it
- We get the Live! On Air! The real Sean Clements taking his real first bite of a cronut! Hayes encourages Sean to chew closer to the mic. Sean gets a lot of notes of sweetness, and sugar. And the texture is good! Sean is kind of upset about the cream in the middle of the cronut. The flaky outer shell sounds good, the cream is not good. He only likes it on his terms.
- Aubrey asked how many times Sean has had sex. What is sex, these days?
- Hayes won't try the cronut because he doesn't do sugar these days. She should have brought him one of those green juices!
- Aubrey usually doesn't leave the house on Saturdays until 4 PM. She's a bit of a night stalker.
- Hayes asks what Mark Duplass is like? She says really... nice. Retta is funny! Anna Kendrick is a fucking bitch, but she can't get enough of her
- So the listeners can get to know Aubrey, what was it like to work with Dane DeHaan-- he's nice. She is cracking up at Nick Offerman on set all the time! He'll grab a prop and make Aubrey giggle, she can't believe it's a job. She looks herself in the mirror and really lets herself having it for getting this job, you little shit head.
- Hayes encourages her to expand on things... later, "Keep.. talking." It all comes back to her obsession of food!
- She does admit to 'feeders' -- it's people who feed each other for sexual pleasure. Sort of like what she did to Sean and Hayes. With surprising Sean with cream.
- Aubrey is a Latina! Part of the Latina revolución with her Selma, Penelope, Paz (Vega and del la Huerta), Sophia, Constance Marie, Yaela Vera, Shakira who is just starting
- Hayes starts speaking fluent Spanish to Aubrey! Something about Salma et Cameron Diaz.. Black Bastard. She answers in Spanish!
- Sean "Is movies is more fun than TV is?" Hayes in Spanish and what is the difference! Movies are more difficult. One is slower? Why? Your faithful wiki editor does not know Spanish. She mentions in English that the food on both sets is great.
- Hayes asks her in Spanish about her new zombie rom-com movie!
- Aubrey wishes she could say she's a fuckin' witch, and can do spells! She thinks every girl goes through a phase where they listen to Fiona Apple and think they're a witch. Sean thinks that for boys it's Gandalf! Similar to a witch, and he's in the woods for a lot of the stuff he's doing. This settles it!
- "Gotta get that.." "Oh and that's like the Black Eyed Peas, which is also a kind of food!"
- The cream in the cronut was a nnasty surprise to Sean. Aubrey discovers that the chocolate one also had cream in it.
- Aubrey did not get the best directions to the studio from Sean and Hayes. She complains that the above-ground parking garage she was told about just had a big sign that said 'Exit.' Sean counters that usually if there's an opening with the word 'Exit' on it, usually there's another one that is an 'Entrance' nearby. Aubrey: "What is this, a TED Talk?!"
- When you type Aubrey's name into Google, it auto-fills with 'Aubrey Plaza feet.' Why does she want everyone to know about her feet? She tries to work being barefoot on camera as much as possible to make people happy.
- "You talked a little bit about having no regrets. Is it, um... important for you to live in the moment?" She tries to make them all count, Sean likes to quickly clap twice between some of the .. moments.
- Sean doesn't say he's stuck in traffic, he's just hangin' out in his car! Listening to a science book.
- Amanda Knox and George Zimmerman are discussed
- Sean is still waiting on the right night to lose his virginity, despite being married
Recurring Segments Edit
- Box Office Report
- The movie that is really doing a bunch of money right now, is just having all kinds of people pay for tickets, and uh it's been a big hit, everybody's happy about it. And Sean is happy to be involved
- TV Ratings Round-up
- Everybody's watching TV today
- Popcorn Gallery - with Charlie Muphy-Browns 's theme song. While explaining the premise of the PCG, Sean mentions that Jersey Boys is one of the few movies that does let you talk back to it, a reference to Ep. #036 - John Cochran, Our Close Friend. Aubrey mentions that people in Queens talk to the movie screen a lot, and those kinds of people are New Yorkers! Causing Hayes to do a spot-on New York accent.
- Chanson - "Aubrey, why is 'shame' such a major motivator for you?"
- She wants it to be clarified if it's of her body or her personality. Anything that comes from a dark, personal place is always the best motivation.
- Bozos of basketball - "Aubrey, Mark Hoppus of blink-182 recently changed his twitter name to 'Family Stark Hoppus.' Thoughts?"
- She doesn't have any thoughts
- Jacob C - "Aubrey, how did they do those scenes in Scott Pilgrim where your swear words were beeped out? Was that CGI or a horn in your mouth?"
- A horn in her mouth, you piece of shit!
- Andrew - "Aubrey, what's your dad do?"
- He's a stock-broker for Merrill-Lynch. #wolfofwallstreet
- Chanson - "Aubrey, why is 'shame' such a major motivator for you?"
- Pro Version - thinkofthechildren - Aubrey walks them through a real life virtual tour of a craft services table. It's like walking into the Willie Wonka factory times a billion! You got your lettuce cups, almonds, nuttles, exotic fruits (pineapples, berries, boisonberries, lichtonberries). Trader Joe's section dark chocolate covered pistachio berries, banana clusters. Then your hot food section, that are always changing out, always the right temperature! Your onion chicken wraps, spaghetti wraps. Your machiatto station! Only for Mach 5's, keeps you runnin'. Your spa water, not just regular water! Infused with herbs, nettles, rose hips, all kinds of shits. Your big fat cake! Everyday they decided that anyone that works on the set in any capacity deserves a cake for doing it! Working on the fucking thing, to have their cake and eat it too.
Recurring Jokes Edit
- Wife and Kids - Sean's wife's grandfath
- er died a hero in WWII. Hayes's relationship with Carrie Ann Moss is first discussed!
- Talking to the Engineer / Sean's Little Cousin - Sam doesn't fully go off on Sam because he's family. Sam brings up Thanksgiving '97, when Sean took all the stuffing out of the turkey, and poured in a bunch of ouzo and drank it out of the turkey's butthole. But then Sean said "Sam, come in here, little cousin Sam, my favorite Sam." And took the stuffing he had taken out and crammed it into him! And kept yelling "Who's the turkey now!?" It was Sam who was the turkey now, it's an affectionate nickname. The Sam said it was in "every orfice!" Orfice, orfice, "I've got stuffing in every orfice!"
- Too Scary - Cards Against Humanity asking them not to read an ad is very scary the second time. Sean might not be able to get them or have to get the cards off eBay, and they'll have jelly all over them, and someone will have gotten all the laughs out of them. Sean and Hayes worry that Aubrey's new zombie rom-com movie will be too scary. It seems like Aubrey likes things that are creepy and scary, witchy and ghouly. She keeps going back to the witch stuff.
- Points! - Last week, Cards Against Humanity got them, but this week this is just the Hardwick nod and kind of chuckle, but everyone can see it's just being polite. No points taken away, but none added. Aubrey gets 'Points!' for saying it's the journey, not the destination, and #wolfofwallstreet in regards to her father
- Speak on That - Aubrey is asked to speak on how cronuts are all the rage in New York. On how so much fun on the parks set makes it hardly seem like a job! To speak on getting between life's little moments and making some changes.
- Scoop Troop - Mark Duplass is really nice! A great guy, really talented, he has really, really good taste.
- Wife and Kids - Sean still hasn't had sex, despite being married. They're just waiting for the right moment, where they both feel that it's right!
- Cards Against Humanity - the sequel to last weeks. They thought it was cool and epic last week. To take that money and throw it away? It's not funny any more! Sean gets scared that people aren't going to have these funny cards. Funny, epic the first time, stupid and scary the second time. Old packs of CAH talk about Max Headroom rather than Grumpy Cat or Obamacare. This... is verging, encroaching on 'fail' territory.