Nick Thune, Our Close Friend

Episode

21

Release Date

February 25, 2014

Episode Guide
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"Nick Thune, Our Close Friend" is the twenty-first episode of Hollywood Handbook.

Official Earwolf Page

Earwolf Synopsis[]

Sean and Hayes start out the show talking about how the Oscars are a really exciting time in Tinseltown. They share some great tips for scoring a date to the big night with an A-list celebrity. Then, cool guy NICK THUNE joins the guys to discuss movies, his personal injuries, how it’s possible to do comedy and music at the same time, and jump into the popcorn gallery to discuss TV show failures and other fan questions.

Notes & Memorable Quotes[]

Pre-Guest Segment[]

Hayes over the song: It's weird that people think Diablo Cody is a big name writer/director and not just Engineer Cody. Cody is Diablo because he's the devil and he's Spanish, and Hayes and Sean put his name on some scripts as a joke
It's Oscar season, and some people aren't invited. Hayes and Sean sometimes don't go because giving so many speeches makes him hoarse and he can't shout "Action!" on the set
If you're not invited because you made a hit movie or ten hit movies, you're probably going to want to be someone's Oscar date-- where someone takes you as a friend or romantically (For people that just marry the first person they see in the midwest people out in LA will sometimes date before they get married)
Some people are afraid to osk!
Nick Thune is a real comic's comic. Most of his stove is about Dan Clowes. Chris Ware. Frank Miller. A real graphic novel's comic.
Sean is a nerd and into a lot of that shit. Have you heard of Alan Moore? Watchmen?

Guest Segment[]

Sean over the song: You can elect me all you want, doesn't mean I'm going to be your Senator. Sean doesn't consider California home, Antigua is for him
Nick is a stand-up comedian. Cody wrote guitar player on there as well as stand-up.
People call Nick the Bo Jackson of comedy. He plays football and baseball, not professionally. But he does play guitar and stand-up, professionally.
Nick is a big fan of cartoon football, he played a lot of Tecmo Bowl growing up, so he looks up to Bo Jackson. Bo won an award for Best Cartoon Football Player
Lots of different cartoon sports games if you live on the coast. Hackey Sack game. You can even do a "wicked jester."
Nick has never had a rookie player on a cartoon sports game that would win Donruss Rated Rookie. Or the Topps Player
Nick also likes movies football! Cuba Gooding, Jr. won Best Movies Football Man award.
Movies football is very interesting in comparison to real football. Auditioning is drafting.
Sean: "Isn't it more impressive to do movies football? Because you were actually just trying to probably do acting and now you're being made play football? Whereas in a football game, everyone has been playing football?"
Scorsese wrote the Raiders this year. Eddie Murphy ghost wrote the Seahawks. Have you heard the term 'ghost writing the script'? Where you're writing a script and you get out of it and dance alongside it.
Nick Thune wrote a documentary ~~Thisarmed~~ Disarmed because he could only use 'this arm'. He broke his elbow and wrist, carrying a pizza, walking along a cobblestone road, tripped on a trolley track. This story is too scary
Nick's tool kit to starting stand-up comedy:
1. Pick one out. Go out, pick one out. You don't have to take lessons, but you do have to learn to read music. For funniness, Nick likes wood (Sean has a nice loff at this. It is funny). A strap-on it! Oh ho ho.
2. How you progress. Nick recommends the G-C-D or 1-4-5. Taking the structure, creating what the Beatles created, or what Richard Pryor created (the Beatles of black comedy).
Bo Jackson had to dunk a stick back when he was younger.
Back in the day, when you were short on people, you'd throw a pig out there. Maybe on third
Nick is willing to give a quick tutorial on using a stand-up comedy machine. He's very interested in what model it is
He plays the stand-up comedy machine (guitar). Some of the jokes remind Sean of his relationships! Nick showcases some of his alt influence
Nick gets political but Sean and Hayes are a little wary of getting into this territory
Sean hasn't ever been to a surprise party, Nick describes a surprise party of telling someone they have cancer and giving them a harmful treatment, and then right before they die, tell them they don't have cancer and surprise! Once you do then, is you start putting stuff in their shampoo, that way their hair starts falling out, and you gotta give them poison pills that way it affects their body in a real negative way like cancer. Then right before they're about to die you tell them it was all a joke, a surprise.
Nick is very supportive of the a capella comedy movement.
Hayes doesn't like Louis CK so much.. which word do you sway which way? How do you know what he's saying is in tune?
"Ya ever jam with Weird Al?" They've gotten together before, but Nick has never gotten fruits, crushed them up. He's talking about making preserves though. Hayes was asking about jamming basketballs
Nick does a rousing parody of "Splish, Splash I was Taking a Bath" song. Sean thought it wasn't possible because it was already kind of funny
The two rules Nick lives by are "Metallica Rules" and "Ja Rules"
Nick almost drank his special juice (his dip spit he has been spitting into a juice bottle)
Nick gets a look at Chanson, and he's proud that he grew up, and that he found success in podcast forum commentary
Sean: "We might want to start from the top. So we're going to scrap this one, Cody, put a note next to the file that it's 'garbage.' We'll do a quick sign off, just for funso's."

Recurring Segments[]

Just Osk Her Already - O-S-K combination of osc from Oscars, and ask, like you say something to someone in a question way. And 'Her' because the show is for straight men and lesbians. Tips on how to osk a famous lady to take you to the Oscars!
- Find out where Helen Mirren lives, sabotage her car so it swerves and smashes into something! You're following behind, maybe it smashes, catches fire, you're there with an extinguisher. Say "Hey, you going to the.. Oscars with anyone or can I osk you right now?!" She's charmed, her husband didn't survive the crash and she needs a date. If she happens to die, now you're Helen Mirren and you get to go to the Oscars and someone has to ask you!
- Marry Amy Adams: Get in good with her mom, she trusts her mom a lot. The mother might mention you in conversation at some point as someone who might be a good fit for Amy Adams. "Women listen to their moms, the mother-daughter relationship is sacred. And so you might want to give her mom a rrreal good fuxxin'. And if you pound her out just right, man, she ain't gonna be able to keep her mouth shut about it." "She's gonna owe you one, big time." She will run her mouth around town and Amy is going to want to get a little taste of what that was like. When she comes up and says "Can I get that?" osk her to marry you, and then sneak going into the Oscars in your vows
- Merlin Streep: she gets the most Oscars, all the time. She's the best date to have! You know she has a lot of Oscars, but mm, where'd all the polish go in her house? Someone snuck in at night and took all her Oscar polish away! You want to get a ring with a small diamond on it, cut a small hole in one of her windows on the ground floor. Get a suction cup attached to the window, pull that circle out, the glass will just pluck right out. Reach in, unlock the window, lift it, sneak in, tippy toe into the polish closet. Blow some dust into the air to expose the lasers, step around the lasers. Go over, under, and through, any which way that you can. Go in the polish closet, the combination is "6-9-4-2-0," open it up, take all the polish that you can carry. Once you get it out, follow her to the general store, someone has bought all of the polish recently, maybe it's you? She says she really needs that polish today. You say in a funny Southern mayor accent "Well excuuuse me miss, I couldn't help but-a hearin' your a.. predicament!" you osk her if she wants any of your polish, the you osk her to repay you by making her your date.. to.. the .. Oscars!
Popcorn Gallery (as the Kettle Corn Gallery)
1. OcterDoctopus - "Nick, were you surprised when Comedy Central stole your idea for 'Too Soon with Nick Thune' and turned it into the 'Jeselnik Offensive'? Or was that your plan all along?"
  - Wasn't bothered, loves Anthony, wants him to succeed. It wasn't meant to be on TV, just meant to be pitched. Cannon fodder, let 'em shoot one down so you can pitch them the idea you really want. Lots of times Sean has to say "I was fucking joking, you idiot," when they try and put his bad pitches on TV
2. Chanson - "Nick, you worked at the Boys & Girls Club at Emily Dickinson Elementary School. I came there from Einstein Elementary almost everyday in 6th grade. I remember you! Honestly (redacted, it's a little rude. Note: it said originally: "I thought you had a goofy face (this part was finally revealed) and I was a little afraid of you. I don't know what my deal was either..."). But I'm super excited that you've done well in Hollywood. Do you stay in touch with Pinkie?"
  - Pinkie was an ant. He used to keep ants, but he doesn't want to talk about it. He got out of farming, though he used to keep up with some of the ants. Ants can live ten times their body weight.
3. TheloniousJunk - (this one isn't that good) "Is there a guitar that you are partial to when joke slaying?
  - For Nick, it's the opposite: "Does the guitar want to work with him?"
Pro Version - Nick Thune plays a tasty riff for Tim Treese. But he's going to do it another time.

Recurring Jokes[]

Flyover States - if you're in the Midwest and married the first person you saw, people in LA will date sometimes before they get married, and take that "date" to a function like the Oscars or Movies Bistro instead of the slop line or the square dance. People in the middle of the country don't know about the near-virtual reality machines where people play cartoon sports.
Comic Books - Nick Thune is a real comic's comic. Most of his stove is about Dan Klaus. Chris Ware. Frank Miller. A real graphic novel's comic.
Talking to the Engineer - Cody is berated for writing both "guitar player" and "stand-up" on the note card for the show
Speak on That - Nick is asked to speak on being the Bo Jackson of comedy. How Sabermetrics made sports like new. Comedy is only surprises.
Too Scary - the story of Nick's arm injury, ah ah ah!
Italy - People not in flyover states take people on dates to Movies Bistro
Show Won't Take a Stance - the show doesn't like to get too political