Jessica St. Clair and Lennon Parham, Our Close Friends

Episode

37

Release Date

June 17, 2014

Episode Guide
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John Cochran, Our Close Friend	Matt Gourley, Our Close Friend

"Jessica St. Clair and Lennon Parham, Our Close Friends" is the thirty-seventh episode of Hollywood Handbook.

Official Earwolf Page

Earwolf Synopsis[]

Sean and Hayes start off the show with “Rumer Millis”, where they break the news of a new Star Wars movie and explore some insider info about plot predictions and characters. Then, the very funny JESSICA ST. CLAIR and LENNON PARHAM from Playing House come by to talk about the Maleficent premiere and chicken fingering/pigeon holing at Chik-fil-A headquarters, and then the guys mediate the official dissolution of their partnership. Finally, the Popcorn Gallery is back to ask about playing “House”, getting peed on by Bruce Springsteen, and Tom Lennon’s biopic.

Notes & Memorable Quotes[]

Pre-Guest Segment[]

Sean talking over the intro: "So she is like, grabs my shoulder and is like 'Who me?!' and I'm like, 'no I'm sorry Ms. Street, not everyone is talking to you all the time I was playing a friendly game of peekaboo with my date!'" Then she scurried back to the kitchen to get me more guac!" Hayes and Sean then they talk about how Picabo waits around for someone to say the homonym for her name, she's very desperate and it's not cool. She's trying to hard, cool people just let stuff happen to them, they don't try and force it. It's really whatever, the United States of Whatever.

Guest Segment[]

Hayes over the theme: "So you know my Waze voice is Leslie.. Mann. And so she's saying like 'Left on Sunset, Right on Paloma, ' or whatever I'm like, 'That's weird, that's not like, where I'm going.' And it takes me to the Standard Hotel, I'm like 'Where is this?' And I look in the backseat, she is there in the backseat giving me directions, and she's like 'Let's go in there and like.. ("Not again.."), you know, yaddi yaddi yadda.' And it's like.. that whole thing." "Fun!"
Hayes and Sean make sure to state that it doesn't matter that their guests are female, funny is funny, it doesn't matter if you're a female. Jokes is jokes. Hayes and Sean are gender blind
Sean asks Jessica what it's like to work with Cherry and the King of Cartoons, and Jambi the genie. It's a joke on Playing House vs Peewee's Playhouse, Jessica and Lennon didn't get it they were up late at a party that Sean was also at, but they didn't see Sean. Sean was in the backroom. Jessica was in a room you can actually only get in the room if you're skinny like a Hobbit.
Lennon left her baby when she went to Miami once Diddy put out and APB for all the pretty ladies, Lennon mentions her baby stays in a different place then her, because she looses focus if her baby is around so it's easier that way
Salt was Angelina Jolie's breakout role
Jess and Lennon discuss how they were at the red carpet for Maleficent and they saw that whole Andy Dick experience, how he tried to steal Jessica's clutch. Tried to steal her ticket. But she did give him a chocolate bar. Jess and Lennon didn't stay for the movie, they just do the carpet. Afterwards they go to In n' Out burger. It's such an 'everybody goes there' type of place. They used to go to Chik-Fil-A but they can't go there anymore, because of what they said about homosexual people. 93% of their fanbase is homosexual so they can't risk losing that.
When Jess and Lennon pulled their support from Chik-Fil-A the owner Truett S. Cathy flew them out to their ranch to gain their support back. He tried to chicken finger Lennon, he's a really weird dude. Dresses like Colonel Sanders. Sean goes on to mention how every time he's gone to his house, he's always kissin' on some boy. He's apparently ambi-sexual, anything goes type of scenario. It's actually a common misconception that he's against gay people, he's just against being for only one thing. He also pigeon holed Lennon, Sean congratulates her, and Lennon goes on to mention you always have to experience new things, always say yes
Jess and Lennon mention how quiet Hayes has been, and Hayes mentions how he's sort the host of the show and he has to keep it on the rails. Sean is an Andy Richter type character.
A lot of people don't know how a creative partnership works in Hollywood so Hayes and Sean explain it by sayin each week they get mailed half of a paycheck and they have to meet somewhere, like an In n Out burger and tape the check together to get it cashed. They guy who cashes it is like an agent who takes 10%. It stops being practical though at a certain point when you reach a certain level.
- Hayes mentions how his former partner was Scottie Pippen and now he ended up with Hayes' basketball boys bit
- Sean can't say the name of his former partner legally, but he/she won the right to say "Points" every time someone says a funny joke. Sean would love to do it, but he can't unfortunately. It's a common misconception that he can't say "Points" though, he actually can, but he can't award points.
Jessica and Lennon are here because they have reached the level that Hayes and Sean once reached, and they need to sort their assets. Lennon brought a bunch of receipts and Jessica brought a bunch of Lennon's Spanx. She knows that she likes to wear like 3-4 pairs at a time
Lennon goes on to talk about she has to wear 4 pairs of Spanx because her mid-section is very lumpy, it's not even. Jessica mentions she should get it looked at it could be some tumors, but Sean mentions that it could be an alien, he's heard some noises come out before, and Jess has actually seen the outline of teeth. Often Lennon will put on her Spanx, and one lump will be covered up but it'll appear somewhere else much like a whack-a-mole situation. Sean mentions he's seen it glowing before and he's heard it speak to him before. Lennon mentions how she once got into the pool and everyone began to feel a lot younger, Jess mentions that maybe that's why her skin looks so good, it's all most likely an alien
The next thing to divvy up is the catch-phrases.
The first thing to decide is who gets "Where all the white women at?" followed by people pointing to the duo. Lennon believes she deserves it, at Charlamagne's wedding shower that Jessica planned, but Lennon came in and played the song "Where My Girls At?" by 702 on her ghetto blaster, but Jess is the one who screamed out "Where the white women at?" Jessica then wants the Ghetto Blaster, but Lennon mentions she left it at Miami. Jessica mentions how painful this process is and how she may fly off the handle, she won't turn green and give them a warning it'll just happen
The most awkward moment Sean had in 7th grade back when he used to really nerd out, was this one time when he was having sex, the girl spotted... a Wolverine comic. So embarrassed to notice what a nerd Sean was at that moment. He loves the way it feels to have sex. Wolverine is a real niche character that not many people know about.
Jessica was never a nerd growing up, she learned all her comedy from watching Chevy Chase movies growing up. She was actually extremely popular growing up
Comedy is comedy is comedy, comedy as comedy is comedy as comedy is
Sean asks how Jessica's recent USO show went to entertain the troops. Jess mentions she went over there and let a few of them raw dog her, she could barely walk, and there was just so much sand involved. Super painful. Lennon mentions that when a comedy set is going wrong, Jess immediately goes to stage sex. Like the Dothraki wedding (more nerd stuff)
At the end of the show Sean mentions that when they say rate us on iTunes he actually means rate them on iTunes, they've been talking a lot about it but no one's really done it

Recurring Segments[]

Rumer Millis - This segment was not named until after Hayes and Sean talked about Star Wars.
- A rumor that Sean and Hayes have heard is that there's going to be a new Star Wars movie. It's SO BIG for Hayes and Sean because Hayes and Sean just love to nerd out, especially with space. Growing up Star Wars was like a family to Sean, and to Hayes it was like his school. That big grumpy bear was like Hayes's teacher. For Sean the spaceships were his girlfriend, and whenever he was having sex with his babysitter or whoever, he'd actually be thinking about the Aluminum Falcon -- He'd make a joke where he'd say "Hey, I'm Aluminum Fuckin' right now," but they wouldn't get it because they're not a nerd like Sean was. Thank god Sean made them cum so hard, otherwise they wouldn't want to keep doing it with him. The Aliens were like Hayes' favorite sports team, he'd be rooting for one side to do points, much like an @midnight, he'd be rooting so hard for that one guy to win, the 'good guys' of @midnight like the guys in the white hats in star wars. When that one dude in the sort of tunic with the belt was punching the plastic guy Sean would often yell "Points!"
- Hayes and Sean are wondering if they're gonna bring back some old characters from Star Wars, like the guy who just looks like a big pile, or the guy with a bucket on his head that shoots everyone, or the black guy. Not like black like who dated Sean's sister, but he's in all black.
- Sean used to have a mineral collection, he no longer does, he's sold it by now though. He had halite, and a bunch of stuff that just looked like slat. He sold it all for charity so he didn't give a shit how much it sold for. He did sign the minerals with puff paint though, so it probably went for a lot. When you say black guy, you don't know if he's Dark Vader.
- In order for this new Star Wars to be successful they need to go back to the robots, and find someone who can understand them. The new Star Wars actually got a lot of inspiration from the Family Guy space episodes. Who can understand that baby?
Popcorn Gallery - Hayes asks Sean which one is which referring to who is Lennon and who is Jessica St. Clair. Sean doesn't know, he's just been guessing this whole time. They switch seats, and Hayes's chair is too tight for Sean. Lennon lets him borrow a pair of Spanx, when upon removal we can just barely make out some chittering of an alien lump. Hayes can understand it!
1. Tim Treese: "Len and Jess, did you like my song? I'm a really big fan and it would mean so much to me if you liked my song."
  - Jess feels there's a lot of desperation in that question and she gives some Hollywood advice: You can't ask for it. Jess says she fucking hated his song, and Sean and Hayes agree that it's not a good song
2. Bozos of basketball: "JSC and Leno, Playing House. Isn't that what Hugh Laurie does? Like what do you do on the show?" Hayes and Sean have a follow up to Bozos question: Has anyone made that joke to you before?
  - Jess mentions that they have not heard that joke before. They didn't laugh, but it was funny.
3. Not Your Mother's Dick Jokes: "Jessica Street Clair, I hear you were peed on at a Bruce Springsteen Concert, were those VIP tickets or does the Boss pee on everyone who comes backstage? Lennon Parham, I know your father was the late great Thomas Lennon. Sorry for your loss. Will you portray him in the upcoming biopic, Dangled Over the Edge?"
  - Jessica's answer: Patti Scialfa is her godmother, so she goes to all of the concerts and she's always backstage and one night between sets Bruce said, I'm gonna need to pee on you, and Jess asked if Patti was cool with it. Bruce told her to shut her mouth and just did it
  - Lennon's answer: Lennon mentions she can't release that information at the moment. She then begins to cry, but it was fake, she is an actor after all. All she says is that she's undergoing a treatment to make her shorter and continues to watch Night at the Museum over and over and over again
Pro Version - Whatupwhatdown - Prize is a pair of used Spanx that Jess had for her Desert Storm USO show, they're camouflage

Recurring Jokes[]

Nerds - Sean and Hayes talk extensively about Star Wars, and what nerds they are
- Jessica mentions the Hulk and Sean and Hayes mention how much they love comic books, and what nerds they are
- Jessica makes a Game of Thrones reference, something non-nerds wouldn't catch
Points - Sean and Hayes give points to the different sides of aliens, and many fight scenes in Star Wars. Much like how there's good guys and bad guys in @midnight
- Sean also goes on to talk about his former partner, and how he lost the right to award points anymore
Comic Books - Jessica goes off like an IED but won't turn green as a warning. Once while having sex, Sean's partner spotted.. his Wolverine comic.
One Eighth Native American - Sean corrects the general opinion that just because he's One eighth Native American, people think he can just call people black guys. He assures people he can't. In fact, Afro American is just as racist as saying black because that could also be jewish!
- Sean later mentions how proud he is of his heritage
Talking to the Engineer - Jessica and Lennon ask engineer Sam if he'd like the shares of Comedy is Comedy is Comedy is Comedy, and his response is "what?" Sean and Hayes tell him to turn his mic off and Sean apologizes to Jess and Lennon for his behavior. They make him wear wallpaper clothes like Zach Braff, Jessica and Lennon didn't notice him.
Sean's Little Cousin - Sean mentions what a whiz Sam is with computers and such, and Jessica mentions she needs some help and asks Sam if he can help her after the show, Sam replies sure, and Hayes, Sean, and Jessica yell at him to turn off his mic
Doesn't Own a TV - Sean mentions how he doesn't watch Game of Thrones because he doesn't own a TV. Sean doesn't feel pride in not owning a TV unlike being 1/8th Native American.
Controversial Sean - Sean thinks the huarache sandals you get in Mexico are not like Coach
Mark - Mark has really been syncing up with the show recently. Lennon apologizes to him because it must be really hard to live in S&H's shadow. He was the funny one! Mark uses a lot of foley tools for his drops, ball bearings, snappin celery sticks, banging coconuts together

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