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"Jarrad Paul, Our Close Friend" is the sixty-second episode of Hollywood Handbook.

Official Earwolf Page

Earwolf Synopsis Edit

Hayes and Sean start the show by addressing some of the criticism for the last episode with Pauly Shore in an edition of “Ehh… Wrong!”, where intern Andy is back to help the guys fight the online storm. Then, actor, director, screenwriter, and friend JARRAD PAUL is in the studio to share the 6 rules of filmmaking. Finally, the Popcorn Gallery is back with a special twist!

Notes & Memorable Quotes Edit

Pre-Guest Segment Edit

  • Hayes talking over the theme: So I say to Sherry it goes, "Cats sit on the windowsill, children fit in the snoooow!" It's not CHILDREN on the windowsill and if you're gonna be Pippin you gotta get this right. And she was like, "what was I doing?" And I was like, you were getting rebounds and playing defense cause clearly you think this is about Scotty Pippin and it's not even about a boy.
  • Hayes and Sean want to start the episode to talk about last weeks show. They were so excited for it to get into everyone's ears, they don't do it for themselves they do it for everyone else. Imagine their surprise when they turned on the TV the next day and saw all the comments and they're expecting people to say 'Hooray, you did a nice job I liked the show' It's obvious to Hayes after reading some of the comments that they didn't get what was happening with the show. So now they have to do a segment that they wished they'd never have to do again.
  • Hayes and Sean introduce Andy Knies to the show, and tell him to say something short. Andy jumps in to simply say oh, hey um... And Hayes and Sean give him a quick tip in comedy -- He should have said something short right there. Andy then says Martin Short at that moment which really pisses Hayes off. He wouldn't have even been able to come up with that if Hayes didn't give him the earlier tip to say something short. To act like that was all his idea is very mad making, it was Hayes' idea for him to even make a joke in the first place!
  • Sean tells him to say something funny again at this time to which Andy responds with Martin Shore, and Hayes and Sean agree that is pretty good.
  • Andy went online and searched for all the bad reviews from people who didn't like the show for Hayes and Sean (Sean and Hayes then talk about how good that Martin Shore thing was that he said) Sean then tells Hayes about something that happened to him the other day, He woke up in bed the other day and his sheets were soaked. He doesn't think he peed but there shouldn't be that much sweat. Hayes tells Sean what happened to him last Thursday -- he fell in the tub, Sean told him to get the bar, which Hayes did but Sean didn't tell him that the bar gets all wet too!
  • Sean realizes that he left his keys in his car and the car is on, and he doesn't know where the spare set is. Sean has been twirling his fingers but there was no keys on there, there's a growth on his hand, and he hopes it's a bone thing.

Guest Segment Edit

  • Sean talking over the theme: So I'm there with Stevie Wonder and Stevie Nix he's pretending to be blind, she's pretending to be a woman, and Steffi walks by, and remember that little red number I got her for Hanukkah? They both turn their heads like on a swivel and I'm like Busted! Busted! And they laugh, I'm not gonna do anything with that information -- Steffi is a honey trap.
  • Jarrad Paul is their guest today and he's so big and such on an important schedule that he can't be in the studio today -- even though he's coming in so clear, he's on a plane right now. It's rare that Hayes and Sean meet someone who's busier than they are
  • Hayes and Sean list Jarrad's many credits and then Hayes asks what are some of the things he's working on now? Jarrad goes on to say he's right now juggling a lot of different things. He's doing pre-production, mix stage, and screenings for press tours, so it's hard to say all of what he's doing. Sean tells Jarrad that lot's of their listeners aren't big Hollywood stars. they're people with their thumbs up their ass trying to keep it warm who don't know shit from shit. So he'd like Jarrad to educate their fans a little bit.
  • In Jarrad's later years he talks about how his real passion isn't for him it's to give back and teach others, so he commends Hayes and Sean on doing a great job. The signal is breaking up badly and Sean can't hear anyone including Hayes who is in the same room
  • Jarrad talks about how he doesn't have time to get too in depth into all these terms and describe each and every one, and Hayes says that's fine if only there were somebody in this room who could compile a glossary of these terms, and if only there were a person in this room who should have done that maybe they should speak up and say "I should have done that" Intern Andy finally speaks up. Andy is Rob Reiner's son.
  • Hayes tells everyone the last place he saw Rob Reiner at was the Sohouse, and Jarrad says he hasn't been there in awhile, he goes to this other place. When Hayes asks where it is Jarrad doesn't tell him, and when Hayes speaks up and says maybe he's been there Sean tells him he doesn't think he's been. Sean knows where it is, and when Hayes presses and asks what neighborhood its in, Sean and Jarrad laugh and say what are we gonna do? Play 20 questions? They have a great fake crab there, and Hayes in blown away. It's FAKE!? It comes in a shell though! He never wants to go there again! Jarrad tells him, but he's never been there before. Hayes was talking about the Soho house.
  • Jarrad talks about technology briefly before he is interrupted by a horrid sound, of Cody sneezing. After Hayes and Sean properly get onto Cody for interrupting the show they resume. Jarrad talks about how we're all on social media and how these things were supposed to get us to connect, but when you think about it they're actually causing a bit of a disconnect. We're texting and tweeting and doing stuff like that instead of just talking to people. So at a certain point Jarrad just closes it out.
  • Sean gives an example of this saying that if he gave Jarrad a banana to eat and it's supposed to be good, but actually he gave it to him and he couldn't eat it and it doesn't be food? He'd stop going to Sean for a banana. But the problem is people are still going to the metaphorical tree.
  • Jarrad starts talking to Andy he wants to know his age and what background he has, Andy is 26, and his background as Reiner's son, is basically having Andy do it himself instead of helping him. Andy talks about he's trying to get in the business not because of his father but because this is a passion of his since he's been a young man. Jarrad asks him what gave him that passion and Andy responds that once when he was younger his dad was working on his film North and he let Andy be in the background in a crowd scene, and he just got the bug at that moment.
  • Jarrad thinks the problem with Andy is that he comes from here (he points at his head) and he has to come from here (he points to his chest) That's where you have to come from, Andy isn't making enough decisions from his heart. He's too much of a braniac.
  • When Sean was starting off he got some great advice from Jarrad, to Sean he was a figure like one in the movie Wedding Crashers
  • Jarrad talks about what the movie Wedding Crashers was about -- it starts off these guys were crashing weddings and fucking around, but in the end in turns into a movie about Relationships, it's about their friendships, it's about him and the girl. Hayes cuts in to say it's about the one girl wants to fuck the guy, she gotta have it. The mom she wants to get it too, the Grandma, she's kinda hot for it as well. Sean goes on to say they're empty and must be filled the women in this film and even if they can't get it, it's like they're trying to jerk you off.
  • Jarrad gave Hayes and Sean the 6 rules of film making, and what Hayes and Sean have promised Andy is that he can get 2 rules now, 2 rules at the end of the podcast, and 2 more if he shows he's responsible enough to handle them. Jarrad already told Andy rule number one, think with your heart, and so number 2 is you can't have a story unless you have a past.
  • Jarrad thinks the problem with Andy is that he's not buying the fact that Andy has a story at 26, you can't have a story at 26. Rule number three is always roll, always be able to roll. Andy asks if this means like on a bike or skateboard or something, and Jarrad says no -- they're talking about always being able to roll, like if a director says Andy I need you to sand this table! or roll this paper, or move this stop sign! you have to know how to be able to do these things.
  • Jarrad asks Andy to tell them a story right now in 8 words or less Andy says, "Adult shoes..." Andy doesn't finish his sentence and Hayes and Sean ask if this a secure line -- Jarrad is feeling like Andy is not the guy. He feels like hes not getting from Andy what he likes. Hayes and Sean tell him their relationship with Andy is mainly to get to his dad that way he can play Seans dad in a movie. When they cut back Sean can't hear anybody again.
  • Before they do the popcorn gallery they ask if Andy can leave the room, Andy says goodbye and Sean tells him the shorter the better next time.
  • Jarrad talks in depth about red bull and how they were very supportive in him and his writing of Yes Man and it got a little tricky how he's not a very big fan of red bull. He prefers Monster, and Monster latte's

Recurring Segments Edit

  • Ehh... Wrong! - Updated to be called "Ehh... Wrong! about Pauly Shore and you guys better really listen up and learn"
    • Hayes and Sean kick off Ehh... Wrong! off the Earwolf subreddit, Andy tells Hayes and Sean that they're big fans of them there, and Hayes disagrees saying not what Andy put together for Hayes to read. You'd never know from what they're about to read. Sean is distracted, and notices some of the names on the table, Sean doesn't know who the fuck these people are and it pisses him off that those people got invited to be on another show and he didn't. Sean and Hayes wonder if they've lost a step. People like Danielle Schneider, June Diane Raphael, Elissa Skinner, Dan Lippert, Rick Overton, Chris Thayer... Literally none of these people Sean or Hayes have heard of! It's very upsetting, they wonder if it's them or Earwolf -- one of them is bad.
      1. This is a review on the small reddit from Slayner: "Pauly Shore was bad lol, he just didn't fit in at all."
        • Ehh! That's completely wrong! The truth is Pauly Shore was actually really good. Hayes doesn't know if he's saying lol because the idea of him being bad is a funny trick but the actual truth is he came onto the show as a nice present for Hayes and Sean and to you and he turned out to be very good. Sean gives a tip for Slayner and that is that if that lol is like what Hayes said and is meant to be sarcastic the irony doesn't really read there's no tone in your writing. So when you write something like that you open yourself up to take a sound drubbing and that's what he's getting from Hayes and Sean right now.
        • Hayes tells him to put the lol in quotes please and then they'll talk. Because Pauly actually did get it and was very good. Sean goes on to say he hopes his name isn't that he's the child of Bobby Slayton and Florence Griffith Joyner because Sean respects both of them so much -- and that's how he got his name, he combined both his parents last names.
      2. This review is from PromoMix: "This was striaght up painful to listen to at points, the entire Pauly Shore part of the episode is one of those points. It was really bad."
        • Ehh! Wrong! It just so happens that the episode was actually very good he had a good energy, he was being funny he was willing to cooperate with us! Ehh! here you go here's what's ehh wrong! here's Sean's review of his review. This was straight up painful to read at points! the whole time you were writing is one of those points. So the episode was actually funny and nice and he was being cool and good, and engaged. And Sean was actually crushing too with him, and some of Hayes' stuff made him laugh even harder then he (Sean) did.
        • So let's go down the list: Pauly shore did a good job, Hayes was very good, Sean did a really good job hm... that's everyone who was on the show! So when you put all that together 1+1+1=GOOD SHOW! That math checks out professor! And that's the nerd character!
    • Hayes and Sean decide to go to a different message board to get more reviews, they go to the Something Awful forums
      1. Here's a review from someone called Help I'm Alive: "Man the guest segment in today's Hollywood Handbook is painful"
        • Once again -- Ehh! Wrong! continued use of the word painful, Sean asks if there's some internet meaning for the word painful that he doesn't know about? because it's literally the opposite of what they're saying. This episode should feel like a massage of your brain and humor. Hayes wonders if it means happy, that way they're actually saying this episode was straight up happy to listen to or the guest segment was thrilling. Sean thinks of their show as a high speed car chase for your ears, but with jokes. Hayes and Sean then interact a scene of the movie where this babe fucks Charlie Sheen in a car to compare it to their episode.
        • So speaking of other things that were good, the Pauly Shore episode was good. He had a good time, Hayes and Sean had a good time, and everything went according to plan, and it was a nice way to spend a few minutes of your time.
        • And before people pile onto Sean for only doing the womens sex noise in that scene they just acted Sean corrects them early to say he doesn't do male sex noises in his theater acting -- because when he does those noises it's fucking REAL! And he's hearing a womans sex noises too while he's doing it -- what Pauly Shore about Sean isn't true. When he called him an H-word. To people that thought that Pauly Shore didn't make jokes, what do they think that way when he called Sean a homo?! that was the funniest joke of all! Just because he wasn't smiling when he said it and he said it in a mean way doesn't mean it wasn't a joke!
        • Sean is dripping with you-know-what and he is talking about pussy juice and so there's no way he'd be that. Although he does like those kinds of people.
    • Hayes then goes to a website called Absolute punk
      1. This review comes from Kempetti John: "That Pauly Shore episode on HH was pretty painful to listen to"
        • So there's that word again, and Hayes hesitates to even say Ehh Wrong again because now he's starting to feel as though he's on the end of some online joke, where everyone got together and decided okay now this word is different from what it used to be. Instead of sad and hurting, it's gonna be having fun and pleasant sensation. Sean had a thing when he was a kid on the farm he grew up called opposite day where he'd go and say 'boy I really want to go milk the goose today' but what he actually meant was he didn't want to do a bad chore. Hayes asks if the opposite of a cow is a goose, and Sean tells him no the opposite of a cow is a frog. Goose is the opposite of a caterpillar, because it can't fly yet but it's going to. Anyway so that whole opposite thing went out of style awhile back but maybe it's coming back now.
        • If that's being serious -- it's Ehh Wrong, but if it's opposite then it's okay
    • The next review comes from a guy on Twitter which Hayes does know.
      1. From Mikey Roberts on Twitter: "Well Pauly Shore on Hollywood Handbook was interesting..."
        • And before you say well yeah he was interesting on Hollywood Handbook, Hayes detects a certain tone of sarcasm, and to say someone like Pauly Shore came on the show and didn't have a good time is just mean, and it's Ehh! Wrong! And also to use Twitter for something like this constitutes online abuse which you can be reported for. The level of legal hot water some of these people would be in if Hayes or Sean felt like getting their internet lawyer would be crazy. Hayes' mouse cursor is hovering right over report and what if it slips and he hits block or report, and then everyone in your family and your old schoolmates now know, and you're blocked from the internet and even Thanksgiving dinner now.
    • And so now in retrospect a lot of these people thought that segment was painful, and now a lot of those people were Ehh Wrong! what a coincidence that they were the same people! Sean doesn't know if he wants to say it, but there was someone on the Hollywood Handbook forums who wrote a pretty large dissection of why it wasn't a very good guest. Good kid means well, but he was kinda gently suggesting that maybe they shouldn't get that guest and maybe should get a guest who plays along better and it implied that Sean and Hayes had a lot of choices of guests and that they can just pick from anyone who might be funny and good. Sean decides to not talk about this kid anymore, they don't want to give him too much power.
  • Popcorn Gallery - Hayes and Sean want to do something different with the popcorn gallery this week. Since Jarrad is something of a glue guy they want to ask him questions they may have for celebrities, and he can answer on their behalf.
    1. Kiernan Shipka - "What's the most exciting thing about being a TV star?"
      • If Jarrad were Kiernan he would probably say nothing is good about being a TV star, he's doing it for the work. It's a good question but he says he doesn't know how Kiernan would answer this question. Sean cuts in to say yes he does, but he appreciates protecting her this way
    2. Chris Pratt - "How did you get so strong for the space movie?"
      • Jarrad thinks he ate a lot of protein and probably worked out a lot
    3. Dennis Quade - "Are you still friends with Meg?"
      • Jarrad tells him yes, he thinks that how he would answer. Hayes and Sean ask who he's protecting, and Jarrad tells them, he's simply answering how he thinks Dennis would answer.
  • Pro Version - Velvet Revolver and Nico - Hayes and Sean get on to them for their name, and urge people to use real names. Prize is the last rule of film making -- the most important thing is to go with your gut.

Recurring Jokes Edit

  • Doesn't Own a TV - Sean and Hayes complain about having all the reviews of Ehh Wrong be in different sites, and how everything should just be on one screen, it'd be so much simpler. Sean mentions this is one reason he doesn't own a TV
  • Wife and Kids - Sean mentions Steffi over the guest intro theme
  • Talking to the Engineer - Cody sneezes, and Hayes has to stop the show. What the FUCK was that?! Cody tells him he had a sneeze in him, but Hayes is blown away because as someone who will leave the show so easily, to do anything like go to the fridge, to go to another room, or just sit outside in a room and do... stuff you don't do when you're at work. But instead he decides to make a horrific noise like that in the studio. Sean has seen him do a bit of a press tour if you catch his meaning, he's pressing his fist into his buttocks in a way that really excites him. Sean doesn't want to accuse him of masturbating, but he believes he's developed a method that's acceptable to do in public, yet very strange to watch.
  • Scoop Troop - If you haven't seen Wedding Crashers go out and rent it anything you need to do -- watch this movie.
  • Speak on That - Hayes wants Andy to speak on that regarding the second rule of film making (you can't have a story unless you have a past) Adny says he thinks it means that (Jarrad interrupts him and says wrong)
  • Mark - The first sound drop is a hat from some guy. Hayes is disappointed in that particular sound drop for the show, but Sean goes on to say he's been really really sick.
    • On the second sound drop Mark can barely speak and he says gatoraide, he's really getting worse in his sickness
    • On the third sound drop Mark can barely speak and he doesn't think he can do it, you can actually hear Sean coaching Mark through it, and Sean telling him he HAS to do it because that's what he gets paid for
  • Nerds / Comic Books - Hayes and Sean don't want to nerd out, but they're excited about Guardians of the Galaxy (also check out Hayes and Seans appearance on With Special Guest Lauren Lapkus where they really do nerd out about the movie -- It's very possible they came up with the idea here)

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